July 2009

Tips from Camp 4

Ways to involve your child with others using the skills they have learned.

Steps for recognizing another’s feelings:

• Watch another person at a park, grocery store, or restaurant.  Discuss paying attention to the way the person looks (posture, facial expressions), what the person does and says, and how the person says it.
• Next, ask your child what they think the person is feeling.  You may want to prompt them by naming a list of feeling words for reference.
• Then, decide whether or not it is appropriate to ask the person if he/she is feeling that way.  If the person seems very angry or upset, it may be best to wait until the person has calmed down.
• Finally, ask in a concerned way.  Discuss desirable ways to ask:  facial expressions, voice tone, and so on that show concern.

Expressing Affection:

• Decide if your child has good feelings about the other person.  Discuss what these feeling feel like and why they feel them.
• Decide if you think the other person would like to know how your child feels about them.  Discuss possible consequences of telling the person, for example, the other person may become embarrassed or feel good.
• Talk about how to tell them
• Talk about a good time and place.  Discuss how to choose a good time: Being alone may make it easier to express affection.
• Tell the other person in a friendly way.  Discuss body language and nonverbal communicators that show a friendly attitude.

Suggested Situations:
School:  Thank a teacher for something they have done.
Home:  Tell your parents that you love them.
Peer group:  Tell your friends that you like them and want to continue being friends.

Using self-Control:

• Stop and count to 10.  Discuss the importance of allowing yourself time to cool off and think.
• Think of how your body feels.  Discuss how bodily cues may signal losing control (your hands become sweaty, you feel hot or weak).
• Think about your choices:
• Walk away for now
• Take deep breaths
• Write about how you feel
• Talk to someone about it
• Act out your best choice

Asking Permission:

• Plan what to say and how to choose the right time and place to ask.  Discuss how to choose a good time:  when the person isn’t involved with another activity.  They may want to ask privately.
• Talk about asking in a friendly way.  Discuss body language and nonverbal communicators that show friendly attitude.

Suggested situations:

School:  Ask the teacher for a special privilege.
Home:  Ask your parents if you may go to a friend’s house or if you may participate in a school activity.
Peer group:  Ask a friend if you may borrow something.

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